I've been delaying this blog post for an obvious reason: I don't like to think about it. It's been four years since I moved to Vancouver and now I've finished my degree and moved home.
I've taken a week before starting work in order to process things and adjust to being home. But it's anything but restful. Living with my folks is weird because they go to bed at like 9:30 and my dog falls asleep at like 8. I, on the other hand, have been living on a schedule where I get home around 9:30 (if I come home at all) and go to bed when my body can no longer hold itself upright. Sometimes a little after that.
But I was thinking that it would be nice to come home and process the last four years.
Something happened to me in the last four years, but even more happened in the last four months, and a whole hell of a lot happened in the last four days in Vancouver.
I spent four years investing in the same group of friends. "Building Community." "Enjoying Fellowship." You know, those buzzword Christian terms.
And yet, in the last four days of my degree, I spent very little time with those people. Instead, I got to know new people. Normally its good to get to know new people, but in this case I don't know how I feel about it. Because while it is exciting, it is also a million times more painful to leave behind something (or someone) new.
And at this point I feel like I should stop writing and go do something else. I know that if I keep writing this will turn into a Junior High Xanga page. I feel like I should leave it and actually work things out before I post my feelings all over the interwebz.
What I do know is this: if you had asked me four weeks ago how I felt about graduating I would have told you that I was tired, burned out, and ready to move on with my life. Goodbye Vancouver, it's been fun. But if you asked me today how I felt I wouldn't give you a coherent answer. I would have just spit out whatever was on my mind. And my mind has been sounding a lot like this lately:
So that's where I am. I feel like I need to be back in Vancouver. Like I'm missing something. Like there's more to see. However, it's the end. And soon I'll accept it. And I'll move to Missouri and things will be great. I'll meet people. If I learned anything last week it's that it only takes four days to radically reshape the way you feel about a place; how you feel about your life. In fact, it takes less than that.
